Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Plus, I just feel alive again! I realized how much my identity is tied to my work....which isn't a GREAT thing, but it is a reality of life as a single mom.
Anyway, I just want to encourage everyone to support each other in these tough times. I am lucky to have a new job, but know many others that are not as lucky right now. Say prayers, keep ears open for job opportunities for others, etc.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Just a few thoughts:
- I miss rocking my baby to sleep every night.
- I miss mornings spent watching Sesame Street or Elmo's World.
I miss baby food and bottles.
- I miss picking him up from daycare and having him run to me like I was the best thing on Earth. Before he was too cool.
- I miss listening to The Wiggles in the car...you know, the days before Z107 and Y98 were requested.
- I miss leisurely weekends spent playing at the park, before there were baseball and soccer practices.
I miss those relaxed days of toddlerhood. I don't they don't seem relaxed at the time, but life changes so quickly with children. I am a mere 5 years away from teenage years, and judging from the last few years, these next few will fly by. Hug those babies and kiss those cheeks. :)
Monday, March 9, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
M: Well, yes. Some people choose to be cremated rather than buried.
C: When I grow up, I would like to have your ashes. I would keep them somewhere very special.
M: ...........Er, thanks?
I guess it is sort of sweet.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
She is the daughter of a friend of a friend. She was born prematurely and then her mommy had to go to heaven. A truly sad, sad story, but I guess God always leaves a silver lining.
Please say a quick prayer for my sister. She is having surgery tomorrow to have her defibulator replaced. I am keeping Carson and Michael tomorrow night so that she can rest without worrying about the kids. It is a pretty routine procedure.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
2. I don't know what it is, but I keep catching a scent in my house that reminds me of the baby days. I can't pin point it (but don't worry, it's not urine or poop). But man is it making me want to hold a baby (I won't say have a baby because that would be a sure sign that I need to be committed). See mom of the octuplets? Just because you want babies around doesn't mean you have them! Just borrow a friend's for a day. Or go rock some drug addicted babies. If I had 14 children ever in my life, God had better send them each with a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I feel like part of the real world again! My situation is not solved, but it doesn't seem as bad as I though it was.
Heading to the gym for a quick workout. Have a good day!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
While most girls were dreaming of Corey Haim, I preferred Feldman. I think he seemed a little more attainable. Like maybe one day, when all of the girls were rushing to his friend, Feldman would look across the room and see me...and know that I would be with him always. Even though I was ten.In those days, I constantly read Teen Beat, tearing out the pin up posters of eighties heartthrobs and taping them to my closet doors. One could say I was a little boy crazy, but my heart belonged to Corey.
Then, one day while listening to the radio, I heard the report that Corey Feldman had been arrested for drug possession. What?! My future husband would NOT do drugs.
My diary entry from that fateful day (I recently found my old diary):
I just heard on the news that Corey Feldman was arrested for drugs. This cannot be true. He doesn't do drugs. Corey Haim does drugs. I read somewhere that they had a fight. I bet this is his way of getting even. He put his drugs in Corey F.'s car and called the police. There you have it. I hate Corey Haim. Corey Feldman is INNOCENT. He DOES NOT do drugs!!!
Anyway, after several days, I came to the realization that this was true, and that the person I intended to spend my life with was a druggie. I guess this was a blessing in disguise. I was forced at an early age to learn that you can't help someone who won't help himself. And sometimes you have to let a person go and see if they come back to you. I still remember taking the pictures of him off my closet door. I even saved them for a while, along with other momentos. When I was ready to let go, I piled them in a trash can and watched them burn, a la Jeff Daniels in "Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael."*
My Corey never did show up on my door step. But he got clean, and that is what matters.
*Parts of this story may have been exaggerated to increase dramatic value
Thursday, January 29, 2009
We also went up in the Arch. Just a sidenote, it is never good when you step off the tram and hear, "Welcome to the St. Louis Arch. Yes, the Arch is moving. It is a windy day." Yep. The ground was moving, outside of my control. Like freshman year of college all over again. But we had fun in the 10 minutes we were up there before the adults in the party decided we needed to descend before blowing chunks. :)
The kids also enjoyed running on the Arch grounds and posing on the stairs.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
My former employer just increased the monthly Cobra payment by $50, and I am afraid that they are going to go out of business before I get the vacation money they owe me.
I am expanding my search to retail, etc. (I've never waitressed before and am kicking myself for that now). I am also looking in Jeff City.
I have an interview tomorrow. I am trying to get pumped for it, but recognize that there are a lot of smart professionals looking for jobs right now so I don't want to get my hopes up.
Ugh. I am just emotionally spent. I try not to dwell on this, but I am just kicking myself for not accepting the other job that I was offered last spring. Or staying at the one I had. I was an idiot to go back to this employer, even though I enjoyed the work and he offered more money.
At some point I need to decide whether it is worth putting my condo on the market and moving in with my parents. I am sure at this point that I will lose money (that I don't have) on it, but it seems like I am in denial if I keep plugging money into a mortgage only to run out of money a few months down the road and have to get rid of it anyway. The thing that is really discouraging is that I feel like through the years I have made the right decisions - I didn't get into a mortgage I can't afford, I've lived frugally, going without so that I can make ends meet. Building (what I thought was) a successful career. I have never had anything less than stellar reviews from employers. I just don't get it. Logically, I know that bad things happen to good people too, but in my heart of hearts, I just trusted that things would turn out okay if I made good decisions. Now I am just not sure how things will turn out. And it is really depressing.
Sorry, I just needed to vent a little. Please pray that my interview tomorrow goes well and I am employed soon, putting this nightmare behind us. Or that something else comes along in the next couple of weeks.
In the meantime, I just need to stay centered on one thing:
As long as he is healthy and his life turns out well, everything will be worth it. I am a lucky lady. :)
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Hypothetically, I chose option two. And I always wondered how underpants or socks end up in the strangest places.
Friday, January 23, 2009
This is why I'm not married. :)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
So I am going to make a list of historical places to visit (on a budget, so close by) to build on this interest. Maybe a trip to Hannibal? St. Charles? Springfield, IL? Any suggestions? Any places in St. Louis that we should definitely check out?
I have a friend who works as a lobbyist in Jeff City, and I have talked with him about figuring out a Friday when Corbin has a half day or day off and going to Jeff City to tour the capital building. He has some connections so we might get to see other things. We could also do the tour of the governor's mansion and other museums.
Cute discussion that we just had:
Corbin is reading about one of Washington's treaties being criticized.
C: 'Criticized'...that's mean.
M: Yes, but a lot of presidents get criticized about the decisions they make. It is a tough job. You know, George Bush was criticized a lot about different things.
C: Yeah, because some people thought he lied, but you know weapons are dangerous. I do agree with him on that.
M: That weapons are dangerous?
M: Well, that's right. Weapons are dangerous if they fall in the wrong hands. George Bush was trying to make sure that our enemies didn't have weapons that they could use to hurt us.
C: Yep. I'm glad he did that. I agree with him.
This age tickles me because one minute, he can be very mature in making comments like that, and the next he is standing on his head on the couch, telling me about how is toot smelled. Ah, boys.
Friday, January 16, 2009
So this week he has started sneezing a little. Not often, but once in a while. But when I ask if he is getting cold, you would think I asked him if he wants to start wearing dresses to school. He acts like it is ridiculous for me to insinuate that he could possibly be getting a cold. "Mom, I was just looking at the light and it made me sneeze." I've heard that about twelve times.
But when he had the flu a few weeks ago, he looked at me over the toilet as he was puking and said, "So I don't have to go to school tomorrow, right?" I guess it all depends on what he could possibly be missing out on being sick.
I heard today that another one of my friends got laid off yesterday. Scary times.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
So I have an ear infection and sinus infection. I will go take my horse pill, eat some chicken noodle soup and rest.
Friday, January 9, 2009
I now know two thirty-year-old men who have been diagnosed with cancer in the past month. While they both should have great outcomes, all I have to say is REALLY.
I am thankful that they should both make full recoveries, but I hate when people I care about go through tough times. Please pray that they will be perfectly healthy for years to come after this. I wish I could put everybody in a bubble right now to keep them safe.
First he goes through his stocking. Every year Santa and the Easter Bunny bring new toothbrushes, toothpaste and floss. It balances out the candy nicely and is something we need anyway.
Corbin got some Tony Hawk Tech Deck SK8 Park pieces...
And some art supplies among other things. Then my brother and sister-in-law came over to check out the loot for a bit. We went to my parents house and had fried turkey and played Guitar Hero.
Then we went to my parents house and everyone started unloading their presents:
Took some family pictures: