Saturday, November 29, 2008

A Happy Thanksgiving

We started the day with Grandma's delicious cinnamon bread. I may make some loaves of this to give as gifts this year.

Then off to St. Roch to celebrate Corbin's First Communion. He was a proud man in his suit, and I was a proud mama.

We went to my parents' house for the day. Since my siblings were spending the day with their in-laws, my parents and I enjoyed an untraditional feast of crab legs...
...and, of course, Grandma's broccoli casserole.

I am very grateful for many things, including (but not limited to):
  • Corbin
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Health
  • Home
  • Safety
  • Faith
  • My country

I hope you were all able to spend time enjoying family and friends. We are all blessed with every second we are able to have with our loved ones.

Now, off to clean the carpets!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Pity Party is Over

Sorry about my last post. I was feeling a little sorry for myself and over analyzing. I know that things could definitely be worse in life. I have a healthy, happy child, and that is the most important thing. And while I need to be making money, it has been fun to have a few days where I get to pick him up right after school and spend time with him.

Anyway, just wanted to say that I am done with the pity party and moving on. :) Tomorrow is Corbin's First Communion (I know, weird that they do it on Thanksgiving). He is excited, and we bought him his first suit. He looks so handsome. I had tears in my eyes when he tried it on. I will post some pictures after the big day!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Get in line...

So I am embarking on the incredible (read: humbling, self-deprecating, embarrassing) task of filing for unemployment. Super. Sorting through the information needed and forms reminds me of applying for Medicaid for the boy right before he was born. Because I was still in college (finishing up the last year +), I was covered under my parents insurance, but needed coverage for Corbin until I could get a job with insurance. Many people who know me do not know that I once had to take advantage of public healthcare. I come from an upper middle class family. I always thought of that as being something for poor people. But, I guess, I was poor at the time.

But you do what you have to do and move on. Or so I thought. While I have always told people faced with job loss or other hardships to go for the government help (that is, after all, what you pay taxes for), I wasn't prepared for what a hit filing for unemployment would be on my self worth. I know that I didn't lose my job to incompetency or anything related. I am facing a situation that many people are now - - so many that a message on the unemployment site says that they are extending their phone hours to accommodate the increased number of filings.
But still, I feel discouraged. I've done everything I am supposed to do...completed my education, got a good job, taken care of my child on my own. Hell, the kid even (at least for now) goes to a private school.
I know that with my experience I SHOULD be able to find something else. I hope that this feeling of worthlessness is fleeting. It's hard not to feel depressed. Someone said to me last week (as if stating a fact), "Your self-esteem is not tied with your job." I think the intent was to be assuring that things would be okay and this situation has nothing to do with me. But, while I know I am good at what I do and me being laid off shouldn't affect me, the idea of not being able to be independent really kills me.
I've always been an independent person. I got my first job as soon as I was able...not because I had to, but because I wanted to be able to buy things on my own and not have to ask for permission.
While I am not nearly as religious as I should be (spiritual, but not religious), when I am faced with tough situations, I turn to God and try to figure out the lesson that I should learn from this. I know it may sound simple, but I've always believed (and advised) that life is a journey, not a destination. We were never promised that life would be easy. We have all been given our crosses to bear.
I think that in my case, God is trying to make me learn that I cannot be independent all of the time. I need to learn to rely on others, and most importantly on Him. I've always been one who tries (or at least has good intentions on trying) to help anyone through a difficult situation. But I don't like being the one who needs help.
Corbin is getting ready to take his First Communion this week, and I was telling my mom that I really need to take him to church more regularly, but expressed that I just still have many issues with the Catholic church. She knows that my main issue is feeling welcome as an unwed mother. Now, I have never been made to feel unwelcome (except for a couple of issues with some teachers at his school), but as you may be able to tell, I have issues with my status in life. She hit it on the nail when she said, "...I know that you are sensitive about being a single parent. But you have to understand that most other people don't. They don't care..."
I guess I need to remember that...even as I file for unemployment.

Conversation in the car this morning

As I was taking Corbin to school this morning, listening to Christmas music, we had the following exchange:

Me: What's your favorite part about Christmas?

Corbin: That I get presents.

Me: My favorites parts are spending time together putting up the Christmas tree, appreciating those we love and being thankful that Jesus was born.

Corbin: Yeah, I mostly like the presents.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Happy Birthday to Me

So I've been up since about 3 a.m., unable to go back to sleep. This is very unusual for me as I typically have a talent for falling asleep within 2 minutes of my head hitting the pillow. And to convince myself to get out of bed in the morning, I usually promise that I can sleep later the next day, lay down for ten minutes before going to sleep or go to bed at 8:30 a.m. that night. None of these things ends up happening, but it helps me get out of bed.

So, instead of dwelling on the many fears that wake me up in the middle of the night, I decided I would list all of the positive aspects of being unemployed.
  • I don't freak out about getting up at 3 a.m. because I know that I can take a snooze later, if needed.
  • I get to pick up Corbin right after school and do things like play baseball or other games with him.
  • I have time to make a good dinner each night and bake banana muffins, like I did last night.
  • I get to catch up on Days of Our Lives. Ok, so I have yet to watch that, but I may start depending on how long this patch lasts.
  • I will have time to get certain rooms of my house organized like my closet and office.

Right now I am watching Roseanne reruns and debating on making a pot of coffee. It strikes me how short Johnny Galecki seems on this show. I still always get him confused with Balthazar Getty. But that's neither here nor there.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Need prayers

Well, the economy stinks and I have become a statistic. I was informed on Monday afternoon that mine and a couple of other positions with my company have been eliminated. I have all kinds of issues about this (which I am sure I will address), but want to ask for prayers that I will get through this. I support Corbin and I on my own, and while my parents could help out, I would like to avoid that. I have a lot of contacts in the industry and will hopefully find something soon.

Please pray for us. I hate that we are in this position.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Monday, November 3, 2008

Bend it like Beckham

Corbin loves sports. Pretty much any sport. He plays baseball and soccer. He has mentioned wanting to play football, but I think I will put that off for a few years until he has a little more meat on him.

Yesterday he scored 4 goals in his soccer game. He was a proud man. (But I will note that the other team wasn't all that great.) I am considering getting him into some extracurricular activities other than sports, like piano lessons or art lessons.

Anyway, happy Monday. Make sure you get out tomorrow and VOTE!