Mom One2One

Back Online

2010-01-21T08:34:00.001-08:00

So...I think I am ready to start blogging again. I've struggled a little but with what I want this blog to be. I even thought about starting a different blog with another name because I feel like limiting this to being a mom blog isn't an accurate portrayal of my life. I have a great career and...ok, so basically my life is mom and career. No wonder my 80 year old neighbor felt the need to lecture me on how it is important for me to have a social life too. :)

While being a mother is the most important thing to me right now, we all have identities outside of simply "mom." And as Corbin gets older, I have to force myself to grow those as well. While I am still mostly the center of his life, he is gradually developing his own life. Sleepovers, sports, school...I am not all there is to him anymore. It sucks, but that's the way it is supposed to be. It's the bittersweet part of parenting - you are raising them to be confident adults so that they are able to function on their own and leave the nest.

Through the years, I haven't dated much and going out is fun about 3 times a year. So I am trying to identify the areas where I can do something for me. I mean, I've been a mother nearly my entire adult life, so there's a lot I need to learn. Perhaps learning a new instrument? Writing for fun instead of only professionally? Ummm...maybe finding a relationship that works?

So anyway, ultimately, I decided it would be a pain to change my blog because I am having an internal discussion about my identity.

More to come...

Quick notes

2009-03-18T19:19:00.000-07:00

Day two of the new job. LOVING it. Hopefully this will be one of those blessings in disguise. Getting away from the CRAZY that I worked for and finding a completely unexpected and great opportunity. Fingers crossed!

Plus, I just feel alive again! I realized how much my identity is tied to my work....which isn't a GREAT thing, but it is a reality of life as a single mom.

Anyway, I just want to encourage everyone to support each other in these tough times. I am lucky to have a new job, but know many others that are not as lucky right now. Say prayers, keep ears open for job opportunities for others, etc.

Mommy Confessions

2009-03-11T22:23:00.000-07:00

Just a few thoughts:

I miss rocking my baby to sleep every night.
I miss mornings spent watching Sesame Street or Elmo's World.
I miss baby food and bottles.
I miss picking him up from daycare and having him run to me like I was the best thing on Earth. Before he was too cool.
I miss listening to The Wiggles in the car...you know, the days before Z107 and Y98 were requested.
I miss leisurely weekends spent playing at the park, before there were baseball and soccer practices.

I miss those relaxed days of toddlerhood. I don't they don't seem relaxed at the time, but life changes so quickly with children. I am a mere 5 years away from teenage years, and judging from the last few years, these next few will fly by. Hug those babies and kiss those cheeks. :)

New beginnings

2009-03-09T19:00:00.000-07:00

I guess that is kind of an oxymoron; I mean it wouldn't be a beginning if it wasn't new, right? Anyway, I've accepted a new job. I will share more about it soon, but wanted to thank you for the prayers! I hope this will be a good career move and that life will be back on track!

Happy Thursday

2009-03-05T14:13:00.000-08:00

Today is one of those days where I feel like this:

Morning conversation

2009-02-24T11:34:00.001-08:00

C: Mom, do have ashes for people too? Like with the dog. [Our dog passed away over the summer and when he asked what they were doing with her body, I explained what cremation is.]

M: Well, yes. Some people choose to be cremated rather than buried.

C: When I grow up, I would like to have your ashes. I would keep them somewhere very special.

M: ...........Er, thanks?

I guess it is sort of sweet.

Send prayers and good vibes...

2009-02-19T16:19:00.000-08:00

...to this sweet baby girl: http://www.lilyanncarr.blogspot.com/.

She is the daughter of a friend of a friend. She was born prematurely and then her mommy had to go to heaven. A truly sad, sad story, but I guess God always leaves a silver lining.

Dating

2009-02-19T08:38:00.000-08:00

So I have been out with a guy named Chris several times, and I actually think there could be something here. He is a few years older than me. His family owns a mechanical engineering company that he works at. He is SUCH a gentleman, and practically runs ahead of me to make sure that he can hold the door open. It's little things like that that I think are huge in relationships. He has a close family and understands that I can't go out with him whenever we want because Corbin is my priority. It's not just about getting a babysitter, it's about wanting to spend time with him. He also understands that I am a firm believer in not dragging your children into your dating life. I do not bring guys I am dating around Corbin. I would hate for him to get attached and then heartbroken when a break up occurs. I am still trying to navigate the whole dating thing (even though Corbin is 8!). I just haven't really dated a lot.

Fingers crossed!

Please say a quick prayer for my sister. She is having surgery tomorrow to have her defibulator replaced. I am keeping Carson and Michael tomorrow night so that she can rest without worrying about the kids. It is a pretty routine procedure.

Two random thoughts

2009-02-18T11:30:00.000-08:00

1. For some reason the connection between my computer and printer was lost, and I can't find the CD from the printer. I think I can install it by downloading from the internet, but haven't had time to mess with it. Any suggestions?

2. I don't know what it is, but I keep catching a scent in my house that reminds me of the baby days. I can't pin point it (but don't worry, it's not urine or poop). But man is it making me want to hold a baby (I won't say have a baby because that would be a sure sign that I need to be committed). See mom of the octuplets? Just because you want babies around doesn't mean you have them! Just borrow a friend's for a day. Or go rock some drug addicted babies. If I had 14 children ever in my life, God had better send them each with a bottle of Jack Daniels.

That's all.

Keeping busy

2009-02-17T07:05:00.000-08:00

I am officially freelancing for an agency I used to work with in one of my former positions. It is going well, but I am still figuring out how to balance it with looking for a full time job. I am very greatful to have some actual work to keep me busy (and keep me working in the field). I also had a networking meeting with someone last week, and he was fabulous. He had a few minor suggestions for my resume, and some great contacts.

I feel like part of the real world again! My situation is not solved, but it doesn't seem as bad as I though it was.

Heading to the gym for a quick workout. Have a good day!

My First Heartbreak

2009-02-10T07:21:00.000-08:00

When I was younger, I was head over heels for Corey Feldman.

While most girls were dreaming of Corey Haim, I preferred Feldman. I think he seemed a little more attainable. Like maybe one day, when all of the girls were rushing to his friend, Feldman would look across the room and see me...and know that I would be with him always. Even though I was ten.

In those days, I constantly read Teen Beat, tearing out the pin up posters of eighties heartthrobs and taping them to my closet doors. One could say I was a little boy crazy, but my heart belonged to Corey.

Then, one day while listening to the radio, I heard the report that Corey Feldman had been arrested for drug possession. What?! My future husband would NOT do drugs.

My diary entry from that fateful day (I recently found my old diary):
I just heard on the news that Corey Feldman was arrested for drugs. This cannot be true. He doesn't do drugs. Corey Haim does drugs. I read somewhere that they had a fight. I bet this is his way of getting even. He put his drugs in Corey F.'s car and called the police. There you have it. I hate Corey Haim. Corey Feldman is INNOCENT. He DOES NOT do drugs!!!

Little dramatic?

Anyway, after several days, I came to the realization that this was true, and that the person I intended to spend my life with was a druggie. I guess this was a blessing in disguise. I was forced at an early age to learn that you can't help someone who won't help himself. And sometimes you have to let a person go and see if they come back to you. I still remember taking the pictures of him off my closet door. I even saved them for a while, along with other momentos. When I was ready to let go, I piled them in a trash can and watched them burn, a la Jeff Daniels in "Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael."*

My Corey never did show up on my door step. But he got clean, and that is what matters.

*Parts of this story may have been exaggerated to increase dramatic value

A visit to the Arch

2009-01-29T20:08:00.000-08:00

I was just looking through some pictures from the past year and found some fun ones, so I thought I would share them.

Last February, there was a pretty and warm weekend, so my friend Erica and I took our kids down to the Arch. We had to wait a bit on tickets, so we decided to take a riverboat ride, something I have never done. While the St. Louis riverfront is not always beautiful (particularly in the winter when the trees are bare), it was fun. For information about visiting any of the attractions on the riverfront (or buying tickets in advance), visit http://www.gatewayarch.com/.

Our riverboat ride:

We also went up in the Arch. Just a sidenote, it is never good when you step off the tram and hear, "Welcome to the St. Louis Arch. Yes, the Arch is moving. It is a windy day." Yep. The ground was moving, outside of my control. Like freshman year of college all over again. But we had fun in the 10 minutes we were up there before the adults in the party decided we needed to descend before blowing chunks. :)
The kids also enjoyed running on the Arch grounds and posing on the stairs.

Snow days

2009-01-29T12:17:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the support on my last post. I just needed to vent and I don't like doing it with friends and family by phone or in person because they will probably think I am falling apart. I do my best to keep the negative thoughts at bay, but sometimes I just need to get them out.

Onto happier things...pictures from sledding the past few days. Corbin loves playing in the snow. We went over to my sister's both days to sled and have snow ball fights. We had a blast.

Feeling low

2009-01-28T11:03:00.000-08:00

So I have officially been unemployed for over two months. And it is slim pickins. I just went to the job bank for a PR professional association, and where there would normally be 4-5 jobs listed, there is now one. And this is after weeks of being blank. I have my network working for me, but there is just not a lot out there in PR.

My former employer just increased the monthly Cobra payment by $50, and I am afraid that they are going to go out of business before I get the vacation money they owe me.

I am expanding my search to retail, etc. (I've never waitressed before and am kicking myself for that now). I am also looking in Jeff City.

I have an interview tomorrow. I am trying to get pumped for it, but recognize that there are a lot of smart professionals looking for jobs right now so I don't want to get my hopes up.

Ugh. I am just emotionally spent. I try not to dwell on this, but I am just kicking myself for not accepting the other job that I was offered last spring. Or staying at the one I had. I was an idiot to go back to this employer, even though I enjoyed the work and he offered more money.

At some point I need to decide whether it is worth putting my condo on the market and moving in with my parents. I am sure at this point that I will lose money (that I don't have) on it, but it seems like I am in denial if I keep plugging money into a mortgage only to run out of money a few months down the road and have to get rid of it anyway. The thing that is really discouraging is that I feel like through the years I have made the right decisions - I didn't get into a mortgage I can't afford, I've lived frugally, going without so that I can make ends meet. Building (what I thought was) a successful career. I have never had anything less than stellar reviews from employers. I just don't get it. Logically, I know that bad things happen to good people too, but in my heart of hearts, I just trusted that things would turn out okay if I made good decisions. Now I am just not sure how things will turn out. And it is really depressing.

Sorry, I just needed to vent a little. Please pray that my interview tomorrow goes well and I am employed soon, putting this nightmare behind us. Or that something else comes along in the next couple of weeks.

In the meantime, I just need to stay centered on one thing:

As long as he is healthy and his life turns out well, everything will be worth it. I am a lucky lady. :)

Anyone else hoping for a snow day tomorrow?

2009-01-26T12:01:00.000-08:00

The reward of being lazy

2009-01-25T10:01:00.000-08:00

So let's say that HYPOTHETICALLY, you roll out of bed one Saturday morning, take a shower and then discover that all of your jeans are in the laundry, except for the pair that you wore the day before. When you got ready for bed the night before, you took your clothes, under garmets and socks off in one swift motion. So Saturday morning, as you shimmy into the jeans, you dig the socks out of the pants, put on your boots and head out to pick up your child (who went to a sleepover the night before so you are meeting the other parents at the McDonalds). You begin to walk into McDonalds and realize that you forgot your purse so retrieve it from your car. As you are walking up the sidewalk for a second time, you happen upon a pair of underwear...that looks suspiciously like one of your pairs. Plum colored, mesh hipster panties to be exact....not the basic colored Hanes. And it dawns on you that you may have worn those panties the night before. You don't pause for too long because this is all going through your head very quickly. And you are faced with a dilemma: do you quickly and discreetly pick up said underpants and stuff them in your pocket (risking that perhaps they aren't yours after all, plus the fact that someone you know might see you picking up underwear off the sidewalk), or simply ignore them and pray to all things holy that no one saw purple panties falling out of your pant leg?

Hypothetically, I chose option two. And I always wondered how underpants or socks end up in the strangest places.

Just a dating question...

2009-01-23T23:30:00.001-08:00

Okay. So it was chilly tonight. But not freezing. Questionable on whether you need a coat. Is it totally out of line to tell a dude to stop being a pansy when he has bitched about the freezing weather 5 TIMES...and it is not that cold?! I said it in a nice way...but seriously.

This is why I'm not married. :)

Trip to Kansas City

2009-01-22T11:36:00.000-08:00

Last weekend, Corbin and I went to visit my brother and sister-in-law in Kansas City. We got over there at about 7:30 p.m on Friday. For dinner, we made these yummy little pizzas that I recommend trying. They are super easy and relatively healthy.

You just need:

English muffins

Pizza sauce

Mozzarella cheese (shredded)

Turkey pepperoni

Begin by cutting the english muffins in half and toasting them (typically one per person). Once the muffins are toasted, place them on a cookie sheet (with the outside of the muffin on the bottom). Add pizza sauce, mozzarella and pepperoni (you can use any other toppins you like, but you may have to saute veggies first). Once your mini pizzas are prepared, broil them until the cheese is melted, and you are done. We had ours with salad.

Easy peasy and very yummy. Corbin likes to make the pepperoni in the shape of everyone's initials (see below).

We also went to Cabela's at the Legends at Village West to check things out. Corbin had fun looking around and taking pictures.

My brother got a smoker a few weeks ago, so he treated us to some very yummy smoked ribs!

I know - I take a little to much joy in photographing food before I eat it.

Historian in the Making

2009-01-21T18:05:00.000-08:00

Corbin's book order came in yesterday - Scholastic's Encyclopedia of Presidents. He was very excited to point out that Obama was included (even though a couple of weeks ago he informed me that he is a republican - my little Alex P. Keaton). He is reading about the presidents in order, so right now he is reading and telling me about George Washington. It warms my heart that he loves learning like this. He may have his issues sometimes at school, but he is definitely an active learner. And, while he needs to get his sh*t together behaving in school (he's not any worse than any other boy), I'd rather him be a creative and engaged learner than be one whose learning stops when he exits school.

So I am going to make a list of historical places to visit (on a budget, so close by) to build on this interest. Maybe a trip to Hannibal? St. Charles? Springfield, IL? Any suggestions? Any places in St. Louis that we should definitely check out?

I have a friend who works as a lobbyist in Jeff City, and I have talked with him about figuring out a Friday when Corbin has a half day or day off and going to Jeff City to tour the capital building. He has some connections so we might get to see other things. We could also do the tour of the governor's mansion and other museums.

Cute discussion that we just had:
Corbin is reading about one of Washington's treaties being criticized.

C: 'Criticized'...that's mean.
M: Yes, but a lot of presidents get criticized about the decisions they make. It is a tough job. You know, George Bush was criticized a lot about different things.
C: Yeah, because some people thought he lied, but you know weapons are dangerous. I do agree with him on that.
M: That weapons are dangerous?
C: Yeah.
M: Well, that's right. Weapons are dangerous if they fall in the wrong hands. George Bush was trying to make sure that our enemies didn't have weapons that they could use to hurt us.
C: Yep. I'm glad he did that. I agree with him.

This age tickles me because one minute, he can be very mature in making comments like that, and the next he is standing on his head on the couch, telling me about how is toot smelled. Ah, boys.

Feel that breeze? Its the wind of change

2009-01-21T07:42:00.000-08:00

I spent yesterday morning watching the inauguration with my mom. It is kind of interesting because we have watched a number of important events together. 9-11. We got up at 2 a.m. to watch Princess Diana's funeral and drink tea. So yesterday, we drank a glass of champagne while watching the inauguration of Barack Hussein Obama, the first African-American president of the United States.

But I found yesterday moving for reasons beyond the incredible historical nature of the moment. I was moved because I truly believe that this is a turning point in the direction of our country. I believe that it is crucial for the leader of our country to put the needs of America first, but to have a global perspective as well. Our world is becoming increasingly smaller. Our economies depend upon each other. Instability in one region creates instability worldwide. (Check out The World is Flat by Thomas L. Friedman.) It is essential that our leaders know, understand and respect other cultures, countries and leaders in order to create a successful foreign policy.

In short, I thought that Obama's speech was great (didn't expect less). I look forward to the good he will do; I recognize that, as with any administration, there will be mistakes, and there will be decisions made that I don't agree with. But I am proud of our choice and am excited about the next four years.

I also think that we need to recognize George W. Bush for his service. While many take issue with the actions of his administration, you cannot deny that he faced many situations that other presidents have not, including 9-11. Whether or not I agree with all of the decisions made during his presidency, I know that he made tough choices and that he truly felt like he was making the right decisions with the information he had.

Here's to hope.

I'm fine-d

2009-01-16T07:56:00.000-08:00

As I touched on in my post a few days ago, Corbin is a bit like Monica and does not like to admit he is sick. He will never tell me if something doesn't feel good. Twice I've taken him to the doctor with a fever (after asking him if his stomach, throat, ears, head, etc. hurt) only to have him diagnosed with strep.

So this week he has started sneezing a little. Not often, but once in a while. But when I ask if he is getting cold, you would think I asked him if he wants to start wearing dresses to school. He acts like it is ridiculous for me to insinuate that he could possibly be getting a cold. "Mom, I was just looking at the light and it made me sneeze." I've heard that about twelve times.

But when he had the flu a few weeks ago, he looked at me over the toilet as he was puking and said, "So I don't have to go to school tomorrow, right?" I guess it all depends on what he could possibly be missing out on being sick.

I heard today that another one of my friends got laid off yesterday. Scary times.

Finally...

2009-01-14T21:23:00.000-08:00

Had a good first date! Well, technically it was a second date - we went out a couple of years ago, but I was focused on a different person - but we shall see! I'm just happy when I don't spend a date picturing the Lifetime movie that could result from the relationship. :)

Sickly

2009-01-12T10:52:00.000-08:00

I have had sinus issues for the past week, and got a sore throat over the weekend. So this morning I went to the Take Care Clinic at Walgreens. I love this concept. You can simply walk in to see a nurse practitioner - no appointment, no hassle. And the copay is just a regular doctors visit. In the past year, Corbin has had strep throat twice and an ear infection once. This is the child who NEVER gets sick. The first time he had strep, he woke up with it on a Sunday, so we went to the Urgent Care Center. I kept wondering what we were picking up in the waiting room. It was disgusting. Then a few weeks after that, we were driving to KC, and I looked in the mirror and saw Corbin holding his ear. Once we got there, we went to the CVS MinuteClinic and were in and out with perscription in hand in 35 minutes. When we were in Florida, Corbin got strep throat again. Basically, my point is that since I have a child who tends to get sick outside of normal office hours or out of state, these clinics are enormously helpful. And it just doesn't feel as icky as the urgent care center.

So I have an ear infection and sinus infection. I will go take my horse pill, eat some chicken noodle soup and rest.

Really...

2009-01-09T21:42:00.000-08:00

So I am playing Amy Poehler...REALLY

I now know two thirty-year-old men who have been diagnosed with cancer in the past month. While they both should have great outcomes, all I have to say is REALLY.

I am thankful that they should both make full recoveries, but I hate when people I care about go through tough times. Please pray that they will be perfectly healthy for years to come after this. I wish I could put everybody in a bubble right now to keep them safe.

Christmas Morning

2009-01-09T14:47:00.000-08:00

We had a really great Christmas Day. Corbin woke up around 7:30. Typically, my parents come down to watch him open Santa presents, but he usually sleeps until 8:30, so they weren't here yet. But I let him go ahead and open gifts. He has such a sweet spirit and truly appreciates everything he gets.

First he goes through his stocking. Every year Santa and the Easter Bunny bring new toothbrushes, toothpaste and floss. It balances out the candy nicely and is something we need anyway.
Corbin got some Tony Hawk Tech Deck SK8 Park pieces...
Battleship...

And some art supplies among other things. Then my brother and sister-in-law came over to check out the loot for a bit. We went to my parents house and had fried turkey and played Guitar Hero.

Catching up

2009-01-09T07:30:00.001-08:00

I know I have been MIA. The holidays were crazy and it seems like we were hardly ever home. Then I had to give my dad's laptop back to him and FINALLY got mine back from Best Buy. It needed a new motherboard, but all was covered by warranty so it is cool for now. So now I will attempt to catch up from the holidays...

Christmas Eve

Corbin and I spent the morning cleaning and making cookies:

Then we went to my parents house and everyone started unloading their presents:

Took some family pictures:

And we went to mass. Corbin's class carried the baby Jesus and sheep up to the nativity. They did a great job. I am not sure that I can do late night mass again as I still had to wrap presents when we got home and was up until 2 a.m.! Christmas morning came very early.

Here is Corbin in front of the nativity:

My heart is heavy right now, as I just read that one of my former employers had to lay off 27 people in their headquarters. I know some of the people affected and am very sad for them. I also know that this must have been a very tough decision for the leadership of the company. They are really good people and I know they would have liked to avoid this if they could. Just a sign of the times.

On an even more serious note, I found out yesterday that one of my friends from high school is in the hospital right now. He was taken to the ER on Wednesday night with chest pains; they ruled out a heart attack but found that his lymph nodes are enlarged. They are doing a biopsy this morning, but are pretty sure that it is one of two types of cancer (but I guess both have a high cure rate). I don't know more specifics because I am hearing all this through another one of my guy friends, and you know how men can be with details. Anyway, I hope that whatever this turns out to be, it is treatable without too much suffering. He is a very good person and is getting married this summer.

We need some good news now!!!

Merry Christmas Eve

2008-12-24T06:19:00.001-08:00

Corbin is sleeping in and I am savoring the quiet and enjoying a cup of coffee before the craziness sets in. When he gets up, we will be making Christmas cookies that we somehow haven't gotten around to cooking, running to the cleaners to pick up my comforter (spaghettios + kid with stomach flu + white down comforter = Mom silently cursing the world), packing up presents and clothes to go hang out at my parents all day. We will go to 10 p.m. mass at Corbin's school because his class gets to help present the lamb and the baby Jesus. We used to go to midnight mass each year, but since all of the kids have been born, we have gone to a 6 p.m. Christmas Eve mass at my parents' church. So it will be interesting to see how the kids hold up. Sometime, I need to help Santa wrap his presents. Although, as I told someone yesterday, with the way Corbin was acting, Santa might just flip us the bird and fly on by tonight. Corbin had been up late the night before and woken up too early so he was a major crab. I hope he sleeps in for a while this morning so that he is well rested for this evening. Darn, he just woke up. So much for that theory.

Funny Mikey

2008-12-18T20:28:00.001-08:00

My nephew, Michael, is five and cracks me up. A couple of months ago, I was playing Scrabble with Carson (my niece) and Corbin, and Mike was laying on the couch, watching Transformers. It was the beginning of the movie, when the transformer blows up a military base, and we had the following conversation:

Mike: What the HELL just happened?
Me: What did you say?
Mike (suddenly shy): Um, I said 'what the hell'.
Me: You know, you really shouldn't say that word.
Mike: O.K.
Me: You should maybe say "what the heck" instead.
Mike: Oh, I'm not allowed to say that.

He is always hilarious to watch open presents. Last year, the first gift he opened on Christmas Eve was from my parents. They'd gotten each grandchild an outfit and a toy. He opened the outfit first and burst into tears, yelling "I got clothes!" He was so heartbroken...like someone stuck an empty package of candy.

Birthdays can always be interesting too. When he was three, he chose the moment of opening gifts to start using the phrase, "What the...?!" He never completed the sentence, but said that as he unwrapped each present. Of course, it is hard to hold in laughter but all that does it make it worse. My sister still has no idea where he learned that. At his fifth birthday in August I got him some Star Wars action figures and a lite saber, and when he opened it, he exclaimed, "Oh no." Kind of like "Oh no you di'nt." You can't make this stuff up.

In other fun boy stuff, Corbin thinks it is hilarious to fart on me or right by me. We went through that a few years ago. I would probably be traumatized, except I grew up with a brother who would come over and fart directly on my head when we were younger (although he was too old to be doing that). What can you do but roll your eyes and tell him to knock it off. If he doesn't get a reaction, he moves on.

What's next?

2008-12-17T07:08:00.000-08:00

2008 can officially go eff itself. My cousin, who is one of my best friends, just called to tell me that her husband has been diagnosed with thyroid cancer.

This would be a traumatic experience for anyone, but my cousin lost her mother to cancer five years ago. My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1992. She had a double mastectomy and chemo and was declared cancer free. Seven years after that, she found out that the cancer had returned in her spine. She went through treatment for four years. Bone cancer is not something that you can cure, but they would treat it to keep it from spreading to her organs. It eventually spread to her liver and brain, and she passed away in 2003. Most people do not live as long as she did with bone cancer. It was in virtually every bone in her body. Walking was painful. She couldn't bend over to pick something up off the floor. One day she was having blood drawn and the nurse turned her arm over and broke it. My point is that she truly suffered. When she couldn't teach anymore (incredibly, she taught up to five months before her death), my cousin quit her job to stay home and take care of her during the day. My point in sharing all this is just that this is really a sucker punch for her. She knows that this isn't the same as her mom's cancer, but it is still terrifying.

They will be getting a second opinion. Please pray that comes back negative. And pray for strength for their entire family. They have three boys aged 3.5 and younger. Please pray that Niki gets the help she needs from family and friends. She lives in Atlanta, and I obviously don't have the means to get down there. It kills me to be so far away and not be able to help her.

And seriously, two more weeks of 2008 is two weeks too long.

Christmas Giveaway

2008-12-16T21:50:00.000-08:00

Tara, a friend from high school (and with whom I shared numerous gossip sessions during AP English), has posted a great holiday giveaway. Visit her blog and comment to be eligible for some sweet Avon prizes! An added bonus - Tara has an exceptionally adorable daughter who is lots of fun to read about!

The Family Tree

2008-12-16T20:39:00.000-08:00

Last year my job consumed so much time that Christmas seemed like an afterthought. I know that sounds horrible, but I was working about 60 hours a week, dealing with Corbin having issues at school (with the Horrid Teacher), etc. so I was just not able to enjoy my favorite time of year like I usually do. While I WISH that I had a job to go to (seriously, I'm going stir crazy), I am trying to embrace the fun of Christmas this year, while I have PLENTY of time to enjoy it. :)

Thanksgiving weekend we decorated the tree. I usually don't do it quite so early, but I figured that a little extra cheer couldn't hurt.

We got out our five boxes of decorations, and it looked like Christmas threw up in my condo:

I put the lights on the tree...

...only to discover that half of them were burnt out. A trip to Wal-Mart yielded new lights and a couple of ornaments for Corbin, including this, which was only $2 (and is really glittery and cute in person):

We also had a picture done with Santa for free. The Super Wal-Mart on Telegraph was giving out free 5x7's, and the pictures were of the same quality that you would pay $15 for at the mall. I still can't convince Corbin to visit the Santa at the mall, so this is the first "Santa" picture we've had in a few years. Since I've explained that the mall Santas are not the real "Santa Claus" (they work for him), he thinks he is cool with writing the letter and making sure that he is extra good on the nights when I have to give my updates to Santa (what am I going to use for bribery in a few years?!). He was so excited about the picture that he wanted to put it on the tree:

We've always had a tradition in my family where my parents would give ornaments to us each year, and I have continued that with Corbin. Therefore, my tree is exploding with ornaments. But Corbin has a great time getting them out every year and hearing about where each ornament came from. When Corbin was little, I would get him the Hallmark baseball ornaments each year (Mark McGwire is pictured above).

A couple of Corbin's "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments follow. He was born in 2000, so the "millennium baby" stuff was fun.

Also, my "Baby's First Christmas" ornament:

I'm sure I will share more ornament shots throughout the next few days. Here is Corbin with the finished picture (although I swear that the tree looks bigger in person. Or my child is just that tall!).

Still alive...

2008-12-16T10:25:00.000-08:00

I know...I've been missing. I haven't really felt the creative spark lately. But I'm still trucking.

My computer pooped out right after Thanksgiving. Two weeks later (yesterday) I finally found out that they have to replace my motherboard (I don't know what that is, but it sounds awesome) and my screen. Don't know what happened to cause the problems, aside from my bad luck with electronics in general. Seriously. The last digital camera I bought crapped out about 8 months after I bought it. The manufacturer replaced that for free. The thug who snatched my purse may be giving the replacement to his dear old granny for Christmas...or it may be sitting in some pawn shop, having been used to feed his addiction to blow. (I think the word blow is fun to use in reference to drugs, but I have to admit, I am not totally sure what drug I am referencing). But hopefully I will have my computer back next week.

I've started working out everyday again. I did ten miles on the exercise bike and 1.5 on the elliptical machine. I find working out is a better alternative to watching daytime TV and drinking a bottle of whiskey. (Note: I've never really drank an entire bottle of whiskey. Especially in the middle of the day. I just like to be dramatic.)

My parents were in a really bad car accident on Saturday night. They were driving to a meeting out in House Springs, and were driving down highway 30 and a 17-year-old girl pulled out right in front of them. We think their car is totaled, but, thankfully, everyone is okay. Just a little bruised. I picked up my parents from the accident site and took them to get a stiff drink. Everyone's nerves were a little shaken, but sitting across the table from them, I couldn't stop thinking about how grateful I was that they were not injured...or worse. Life can truly change in an instant.

A Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-29T06:25:00.000-08:00

We started the day with Grandma's delicious cinnamon bread. I may make some loaves of this to give as gifts this year.

Then off to St. Roch to celebrate Corbin's First Communion. He was a proud man in his suit, and I was a proud mama.

We went to my parents' house for the day. Since my siblings were spending the day with their in-laws, my parents and I enjoyed an untraditional feast of crab legs...

...and, of course, Grandma's broccoli casserole.

I am very grateful for many things, including (but not limited to):

Corbin
Family
Friends
Health
Home
Safety
Faith
My country

I hope you were all able to spend time enjoying family and friends. We are all blessed with every second we are able to have with our loved ones.

Now, off to clean the carpets!

Pity Party is Over

2008-11-26T07:06:00.000-08:00

Sorry about my last post. I was feeling a little sorry for myself and over analyzing. I know that things could definitely be worse in life. I have a healthy, happy child, and that is the most important thing. And while I need to be making money, it has been fun to have a few days where I get to pick him up right after school and spend time with him.

Anyway, just wanted to say that I am done with the pity party and moving on. :) Tomorrow is Corbin's First Communion (I know, weird that they do it on Thanksgiving). He is excited, and we bought him his first suit. He looks so handsome. I had tears in my eyes when he tried it on. I will post some pictures after the big day!

Get in line...

2008-11-24T19:58:00.000-08:00

So I am embarking on the incredible (read: humbling, self-deprecating, embarrassing) task of filing for unemployment. Super. Sorting through the information needed and forms reminds me of applying for Medicaid for the boy right before he was born. Because I was still in college (finishing up the last year +), I was covered under my parents insurance, but needed coverage for Corbin until I could get a job with insurance. Many people who know me do not know that I once had to take advantage of public healthcare. I come from an upper middle class family. I always thought of that as being something for poor people. But, I guess, I was poor at the time.

But you do what you have to do and move on. Or so I thought. While I have always told people faced with job loss or other hardships to go for the government help (that is, after all, what you pay taxes for), I wasn't prepared for what a hit filing for unemployment would be on my self worth. I know that I didn't lose my job to incompetency or anything related. I am facing a situation that many people are now - - so many that a message on the unemployment site says that they are extending their phone hours to accommodate the increased number of filings.

But still, I feel discouraged. I've done everything I am supposed to do...completed my education, got a good job, taken care of my child on my own. Hell, the kid even (at least for now) goes to a private school.

I know that with my experience I SHOULD be able to find something else. I hope that this feeling of worthlessness is fleeting. It's hard not to feel depressed. Someone said to me last week (as if stating a fact), "Your self-esteem is not tied with your job." I think the intent was to be assuring that things would be okay and this situation has nothing to do with me. But, while I know I am good at what I do and me being laid off shouldn't affect me, the idea of not being able to be independent really kills me.

I've always been an independent person. I got my first job as soon as I was able...not because I had to, but because I wanted to be able to buy things on my own and not have to ask for permission.

While I am not nearly as religious as I should be (spiritual, but not religious), when I am faced with tough situations, I turn to God and try to figure out the lesson that I should learn from this. I know it may sound simple, but I've always believed (and advised) that life is a journey, not a destination. We were never promised that life would be easy. We have all been given our crosses to bear.

I think that in my case, God is trying to make me learn that I cannot be independent all of the time. I need to learn to rely on others, and most importantly on Him. I've always been one who tries (or at least has good intentions on trying) to help anyone through a difficult situation. But I don't like being the one who needs help.

Corbin is getting ready to take his First Communion this week, and I was telling my mom that I really need to take him to church more regularly, but expressed that I just still have many issues with the Catholic church. She knows that my main issue is feeling welcome as an unwed mother. Now, I have never been made to feel unwelcome (except for a couple of issues with some teachers at his school), but as you may be able to tell, I have issues with my status in life. She hit it on the nail when she said, "...I know that you are sensitive about being a single parent. But you have to understand that most other people don't. They don't care..."

I guess I need to remember that...even as I file for unemployment.

Conversation in the car this morning

2008-11-24T09:17:00.000-08:00

As I was taking Corbin to school this morning, listening to Christmas music, we had the following exchange:

Me: What's your favorite part about Christmas?

Corbin: That I get presents.

Me: My favorites parts are spending time together putting up the Christmas tree, appreciating those we love and being thankful that Jesus was born.

Corbin: Yeah, I mostly like the presents.

Happy Birthday to Me

2008-11-21T02:07:00.000-08:00

So I've been up since about 3 a.m., unable to go back to sleep. This is very unusual for me as I typically have a talent for falling asleep within 2 minutes of my head hitting the pillow. And to convince myself to get out of bed in the morning, I usually promise that I can sleep later the next day, lay down for ten minutes before going to sleep or go to bed at 8:30 a.m. that night. None of these things ends up happening, but it helps me get out of bed.

So, instead of dwelling on the many fears that wake me up in the middle of the night, I decided I would list all of the positive aspects of being unemployed.

I don't freak out about getting up at 3 a.m. because I know that I can take a snooze later, if needed.
I get to pick up Corbin right after school and do things like play baseball or other games with him.
I have time to make a good dinner each night and bake banana muffins, like I did last night.
I get to catch up on Days of Our Lives. Ok, so I have yet to watch that, but I may start depending on how long this patch lasts.
I will have time to get certain rooms of my house organized like my closet and office.

Right now I am watching Roseanne reruns and debating on making a pot of coffee. It strikes me how short Johnny Galecki seems on this show. I still always get him confused with Balthazar Getty. But that's neither here nor there.

Need prayers

2008-11-19T20:39:00.000-08:00

Well, the economy stinks and I have become a statistic. I was informed on Monday afternoon that mine and a couple of other positions with my company have been eliminated. I have all kinds of issues about this (which I am sure I will address), but want to ask for prayers that I will get through this. I support Corbin and I on my own, and while my parents could help out, I would like to avoid that. I have a lot of contacts in the industry and will hopefully find something soon.

Please pray for us. I hate that we are in this position.

Self Portrait By Corbin

2008-11-13T07:14:00.001-08:00

Bend it like Beckham

2008-11-03T15:02:00.000-08:00

Corbin loves sports. Pretty much any sport. He plays baseball and soccer. He has mentioned wanting to play football, but I think I will put that off for a few years until he has a little more meat on him.

Yesterday he scored 4 goals in his soccer game. He was a proud man. (But I will note that the other team wasn't all that great.) I am considering getting him into some extracurricular activities other than sports, like piano lessons or art lessons.

Anyway, happy Monday. Make sure you get out tomorrow and VOTE!

Flashback Friday

2008-10-31T11:56:00.001-07:00

Nothing melts the heart like a good heavy metal ballad...

It's been a while since I have seen this one, but it looks like Bret Michaels is in bed with Slash from Guns N Roses. Just sayin'.

Happy Halloween!

Video

2008-10-27T10:52:00.000-07:00

Because I am too impatient to figure out how to add text to the post below, I just decided to start a new post. A few weeks ago, a family friend introduced me to Animoto, a site that allows you to upload pictures, upload or choose from music and uses those to create short videos. Creating a 30-second video is free; "full-length" videos are $3 a piece or $30 for a year's subscription. I played around with it a bit this morning and made the video below from some pictures from Florida. It is VERY easy and kind of fun to do.

Florida 2008

2008-10-27T09:50:00.001-07:00

Things that make me feel old...

2008-10-22T11:47:00.001-07:00

So I am turning 29 next month. I know that is not old, but am having small panic attacks about how quickly the days, months and years go.

But here are the most recent things that make me feel old:

Over the weekend, when showing my ID to purchase a bottle of wine, the young(er) lady looked at me and said, "You look good for THAT age." Uh, backhanded compliment.
Corbin and I were talking about JFK yesterday (he read a book about him at school and has a facination with him). He was asking how long ago he was assassinated, and I proudly remembered 1963. He asked how old I was when it happened and I said that I hadn't been born yet. Then he wanted to know when I was born, and when I responded 1979, he got a big grin and said, "Whooaaa...that's a long time ago." Now I know it sounds like that since everyone he knows was born after 2000, but still...
A few months ago I referenced the movie Footloose at work, and the two younger girls in the department (about 23 yrs old) were all, "Oh, I haven't seen that one." Come on, TBS. You're letting me down. Then I said that Kevin Bacon starred in it, and heard, "Which one is he again?" Then I fainted.

Anyone else have similar experiences?

Alligators and tarantulas and anacondas...oh my!

2008-10-20T13:52:00.000-07:00

Ok, I know that title was kind of lame, but whatevs.

Corbin had is big birthday party on Saturday. We had 15 kids and a whole bunch of chaos...and fun too! We had Serengeti Steve from The Reptile Experience do a presentation during the party. Despite my issues with snakes and spiders, it was AWESOME! The kids got to pet and hold everything from an alligator (my fave) to a hissing cockroach to a lizard and little snake to an anaconda. The anaconda was super cool because there are only, like, 15 docile anacondas in the world. (You will have to excuse my lack of appropriate names for the animals, as I was basically the paparazzi of the party, trying to get pictures of all of the kids.)

Corbin had a really good time with his friends. He goes to school with some really nice kids. I really like the community.

Here are a couple of highlights:

Also, I have to give props to my fellow St. Louisans for turning out in droves to rally around our (hopefully) next president. Two more weeks! I don't know what I will do with all of my time once I am not obsessing over the election.

Anyhoo, hope everyone has a great week!

Reconciled

2008-10-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

Last night, Corbin made his First Reconciliation. During the service, he played Jesus in a story about forgiveness. He seemed kind of nervous before going into the confessional, but really enjoyed the entire process. He told me afterward that he thought it was going to be boring, but it wasn't. On Thanksgiving, he will make his First Communion. (I don't know why they do it on Thanksgiving, but it is a tradition at his school).

There's a man with a clear conscience. :)

For reconciliation, each child makes a banner. Corbin is proud of his.

Tomorrow is Corbin's birthday party, so tonight I will be working on last minute details for that. Sounds like we will have a good turnout, with lots of kids from his school, family and friends. He is very excited.

When life closes a door, it shatters a window

2008-10-16T13:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, not feeling so creative with post titles today. But I had to share the story of one of the weirdest things that has happened to me. Last Monday, I left work, picked Corbin up for school and started on the commute home. All was fine and normal. As we were getting onto highway 44 from Jameson, I heard this "pop" and looked into my rearview mirror, and this was what I saw:

Yep, my entire back window was shattered. Thankfully, very little glass actually fell out, so Corbin was fine. I looked behind me and all around trying to figure out if I got hit or if someone threw something, and there was nothing or no one I could see. I was halfway down the entry ramp, so I continued on the highway, had Corbin climb in front and get buckled and drove to the next exit. By the time we got our car to the shop to get fixed, this is what my window looked like:

So weird, and definitely what I wanted to spend $230 fixing.

In other news, it is officially my favorite part of the year. We hit went to Rombach's in Chesterfield to get ready for Halloween. Rombach's is seriously one of my favorite places in St. Louis. I guess I remember going there when I was little, and I've taken Corbin each year since he was born (ok, well not the first year, he was 11 days old). But as we were walking around, I was thinking of all of the cute pictures that I have of him as a toddler climbing on the huge pumpkins. With those images swimming through my head, I decided we should stop to get a picture, and I didn't recognize the kid in the view finder...

I swear, I am not always this sappy, but I just feel like all of a sudden, Corbin is so big! And I am freaking out about how fast time is passing. Anyway, we had a terrific day and really just spent time enjoying each other's company. I will leave you with a few more shots.

Confession

2008-10-15T10:33:00.000-07:00

I read all four Twilight books in a week and a half, and am still obsessed. I may even reread the series. For now, I must confess that I have watched the trailer for the movie everyday this week.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDXPik58G88

(For some reason the embedding code from YouTube isn't working - any ideas?)

I will definitely have to see the movie. In the meantime, I just need to figure out how to go about finding my Edward Cullen. :)

These are the days...

2008-10-14T21:15:00.000-07:00

This weekend, my baby turns 8. Yes, this baby:

I look back at those chubby legs, the stubby fingers, and the gentle amusement from simple things like swinging, and wish I could have captured it with more than just a picture; with something lifelike that I could revisit over and over.

Don't get me wrong. I love each new stage that I've seen as a parent. Okay, the eye rolling and back talk are not so fun, but nothing compares to witnessing your child learn to talk, listening to them read their first book to you and watching them make new friends. Each new year is exciting...but bittersweet. With each passing year, there is more independence...more necessary freedom...they begin to build their own lives slowly. I know, he's hate, not 18 - don't be overdramatic. But it truly seems like each year goes by more quickly than the last, and it can be scary. In just a few short years, my child has grown so quickly.

Now...

I just love this guy.

Death to purse snatchers

2008-09-09T08:08:00.000-07:00

So over the weekend, I went to my friend Karyn's bachelorette party. We had a good time. We started out at Jive and Wail, then went to McGurk's, MP O'Reillys (SO GHETTO) and then ended up on the landing. We were staying at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Downtown St. Louis. Me and two other ladies were dropped off about 20 feet from our hotel at the end of the night (about 3 a.m. - too late for mama to be out). As we were walking in, a guy came up behind me and knocked my purse out of my hand. I put my left arm out to block him from picking it up, and as he bent over in front of me, I grabbed onto his shoulders and back to yank him away from my purse. After a little struggle, he threatened to shoot me if I didn't stop fighting, so he got away with my purse. But for the record, I don't think he had a gun, I just think he knew that this white chick was about to pummel his strung out ass. So he got my purse, along with my digital camera, ID, debit card and lip gloss (the nerve, the NERVE). The St. Louis City police officers were wonderful in responding quickly and being patient with a girl who was freaked out, severely pissed off and had had a few cocktails (although not enough to not be sobered up by the whole experience). So needless to say, I'm a little freaked out, a LOT pissed off, but grateful that nothing more serious happened. I can replace anything he took, but can't replace me being there for my boy. I am glad that I got an amateur thief. But I hope he rots in hell.

On a lighter note, I think that I am finally breaking down and getting Corbin (and me) a dog. We are researching breeds that are good condo dwellers, not known for yapping and won't piss all over the place. Some options we've come up with:

Pugs

Puggles (Pug/Beagle Mix)

Maltipoos

King Charles Spaniels

Any suggestions?

Back from the Beach!

2008-08-14T10:34:00.000-07:00

Actually, we got back late Saturday night. But with (attempting) to get caught up on housework, getting back to work and gearing up for a trip to Indianapolis for a family reunion, I haven't had time to post.

Florida was great fun. We ate, drank, swam, sunbathed, talked, relaxed, took walks, slept, read, played with children, etc. I am always sad to see vacation end, but now I am back and ready to get organized before Corbin starts school.

I will share (or intend to share) some more pics and stories from Florida, but I will give you the summary.

We ate at The Back Porch, a favorite of my dad and me. It is an open air restaurant right on the beach with wonderful seafood.

Here is a picture of Corbin and I there:

There were TONS of jellyfish in the water. I didn't get stung - a good thing considering I am iffy on going in any water filled with living creatures. On the first day, my sister caught a jellyfish for the kids to look at. But I think that created bad karma, because my poor nephew was stung twice (after the second time, as he was crying, he yelled, "Take me to the hospital!"). I believe my BIL was stung once. Below is our jellyfish, which I named Al. I think we kept him out of the water to long, because Al met his maker that afternoon in a sand bucket. Probably not a good way to go when you are a jellyfish.

My dad and I took a walk through a beautiful state park (or at least part of it).

Here are a few others, just for fun. Will be back in town on Sunday. Have a great weekend!

Florida or Bust

2008-08-01T14:06:00.000-07:00

I am getting ready to head out on vacation for the week. We are going to Destin with my parents and sister's family. I think it will be fun, and hopefully help get my mind off things for a bit.
I don't have anything really insightful to blog about, so I will leave you with some photos from Corbin's trophy night. I have him playing baseball and soccer this fall, so I am looking forward to a season of bleacher butt. :)

Mother Bear

2008-07-29T08:02:00.000-07:00

Corbin has been at a great camp all summer, but I am ready for it to wrap up this week. We signed up for it with two boys who were in his class last year (but left mid-year due to horrid first grade teacher that I will tell you about later). It has worked out great, but in the past week Corbin kept telling me that one of these boys was being mean to him. Just little kid stuff, like saying he wasn't his friend or he wouldn't be his friend anymore if he didn't give him a potato chip (or whatever).

This boy has been his best friend since preschool, so I think it really hurt Corbin's feelings. Corbin was asking me if I could do anything, but since camp was getting ready to end, I just decided to let it go.

Of course, the first instinct is to step in and say something to the camp counselor and the kid's mom, but I feel like these are situations that he will have to face over and over as he grows up. I certainly remember going through issues with my friends growing up, and you get through them. And I feel like it teaches you humility, sensitivity and compassion. Plus, while what this boy was saying was hurtful, it wasn't over the top or physically threatening. And I've known the kid and his parents for years, and they are good people. They were preparing to move to a different country this week, so I tried to explain to Corbin that maybe this kid was nervous about moving and this was how he dealt with it.

So now that kid has moved and another boy (who had hung out with the kid and I guess was mean too) wants to hang out with Corbin at camp. Corbin told me this morning, "Now that L is gone, C wants to be my friend." It took every ounce of control for me not to respond with something like, "Well, tell him to bite it." Yes, very mature, mom. :)

I have to say that one of the hardest parts of parenthood is to let your children handle these tough situations on their own. It is a different story when the situation is ongoing (I would have reacted differently if it was happening at school for a prolonged period of time) or if it became a threatening situation. But I truly feel like going through these times teaches a valuable lesson growing up. If parents always jump in to make life perfect for their children, they will never learn that, well, life isn't perfect.

I feel like I made the right decision by not stepping in. I talked to him about situations that I had growing up when my friends weren't nice to me. We talked about working things out with friends, but also when to decide that someone who is mean to you doesn't deserve to be your friend. Hopefully, this will be one of those growing experiences for him, but it is hard not to get ticked off when someone hurts your baby's feelings. Even when he is seven.

Cheering up

2008-07-25T09:32:00.000-07:00

It doesn't take a lot to brighten my day. Despite a rainy, icky day in St. Louis and the sad events of earlier this week, I am cheered by the new Jesse McCartney cd that I just received from a charitable partner who is looking to secure a sponsorship at an upcoming concert. Listening to the CD now and it is making me happy. Plus I know that Corbin will like it since he hears some of these songs on the radio.

Also, looking forward to a jammed packed weekend. I am getting my hair "did" tonight and having drinks with a long time friend who I haven't been able to see a lot lately. Tomorrow night Corbin and I are going over to hang out with another friend who is babysitting a boy a couple of years older than Corbin. The boys will play with the dogs, do a little Nintendo Wii-ing and have fun hanging out. Mama is planning to enjoy adult conversation (outside of work) and make knock back a glass of wine or two. We are spending the night since this friend lives almost an hour away.

Hopefully this will be a good, uplifting weekend of reconnecting with old friends. Also gearing up for our big vacation to Florida next week. Can't complain about that! :)

A little honesty...

2008-07-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

I have to tell ya, I am really bummin' today. Do you ever feel like you hit one of those points in your life where you think things are finally beginning to work out, only to have the gods spit in your face, point and laugh (for the record, not talking about God, just some fictional gods I like to blame when things aren't going my way and I want to pretend like there is some conspiracy against me). For instance, you think that you have found a new great job at a family company - only to find out that said job causes you become this distance mother with a Blackberry chained to her hand, while your child just wants some attention and snuggles. So you leave said job after just 9 months (with your tail between your legs) and wonder what the heck that experience was all about. Then you FINALLY meet a man that you could actually imagine a future with - but you play it cool 'cause you've been down this road before and know how dangerous it can be to get your heart wrapped up in someone. Things go well...you begin to let down defenses and actually believe that there could be something there with this person. You have so much in common. You genuinely enjoy each other's company. You look forward to phone calls, emails and text messages in a way you haven't in, well, eight years. And then it blows up in your face. And you begin to wonder why you would think that something like this could work out. You wonder if it truly is, as they say, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Not so sure about that. I was pretty comfortable when my relationships were really just a chance to go out to dinner with an adult and enjoy, but not spend the energy wondering about where this could lead. Sure, if you don't look for someone you truly care about, you will never find someone you truly care about. But then you don't spend five minutes of your evening hiding in the bathroom, crying quietly over a broken heart.

These are those moments when I have to remember to keep my eye on the ball. I have a beautiful, healthy child that I need to enjoy and be strong for. And, in the end, I guess it is at least comforting to know that I can feel this way about someone after such a long time without those feelings. Still stinks though.

Mmmm...beef jerky

2008-07-22T08:24:00.000-07:00

Friday I was searching through the couch cushions for my mascara (found it) and come across...part of a slim jim. Ew. Corbin has decided lately that he likes beef jerky. The notion of that kind of grosses me out, but since the kid could use some extra weight on his bones, sometimes I give in and let him get it. But still, finding beef jerky in the couch is not a pleasant feeling. So I asked Corbin about it, and he said, "Oh yeah, I forgot I left it there." My response: "Corbin, this is why we can't have nice things." :) I also found three cheez-its in the couch. I guess it is good to know that if the world food crisis gets too bad, we can always munch off of the contents in our couch for a while.

What a way to start the week

2008-07-21T10:27:00.000-07:00

So on my way to drop off Corbin today, I heard a news update about a stand off going on in Maplewood, just a couple of blocks from the school where he has camp. I called my mom to get more details. Apparently, early this morning, fire fighters were called to the scene of a vehicle fire. When they arrived, shots were fired from the suspect (not yet identified), killing one rookie firefighter and injuring two police officers. Because of the stand off, several roads near the school where camp is were closed. As I was walking him into the school and helicopters were flying overhead, I had already decided that I would probably take him to work today rather than leave him in the middle of all of this. Well, I guess the camp was told by the police that they could not have camp at that location, so it is being held at the recreational center, which is farther away from the scene. It is so crazy when things like this hit so close to home. Just a few months back, there was a major shooting rampage at the city hall in Kirkwood, Mo (just a few short minutes from where I grew up).

My heart goes out to the families of the victim of today's tragedy. According to Stltoday.com, he was just 22 years old, and had been with the fire department since August.

I often wonder why people feel entitled to take the life of another when they are troubled. Does it make you feel powerful to victimize someone who never saw it coming?

Returning to Blogosphere

2008-07-21T10:21:00.000-07:00

About a year ago, I had a blog that I was not very good at updating. So this is my attempt to return to and embrace the blogosphere. As you may be able to tell from my title, I am a single mom to one brilliant and beautiful (I mean handsome) boy. This blog will chronicle my attempt at balancing life as a supportive, involved parent, while also (somewhat) trying to keep up some sort of existence as a singleton trying to build a successful career. Welcome to my busy life.